---
name: birthday-reminders
description: Use when someone wants one reliable system for birthdays and anniversaries, with reminders set early enough to buy, make, or send something rather than only on the day. Pairs with [[gift-ideas-list]] (what to give), and is distinct from [[calendar-control]] (managing the whole calendar), [[event-planning]] (organizing a party), and [[adulting-day]] (batching admin tasks).
---

# Birthday Reminders

Forgotten birthdays are rarely a memory failure. They are a system
failure: dates are scattered across contact cards, old diaries, and
social media notices, and the alert arrives on the day, with no time to
act. A reliable system has one source of dates, reminders with lead
time, a decision about what each person gets, and a way to handle the
people whose dates are not known. This skill sets that up.

## Input required

- **People and dates**: birthdays, anniversaries, and other
  remembered days such as a memorial date the user wants to mark.
  Collect only what the user shares.
- **Where dates are now**: calendar, contacts, phone, paper, social
  platforms.
- **Which calendar or app** the user checks daily.
- **The level of effort per person**: a message, a card, a gift, a call.
- **Lead time needed**: depends on shipping, post, and whether the
  person lives far away.
- **Cultural or religious calendars** the user follows, if the date
  depends on a calendar other than the standard civil one.

## Questions to ask first

Ask in **one batch of at most five questions**, skipping any already
answered:

1. Whose birthdays and anniversaries do you want to remember, and
   which are the most important?
2. Which calendar or app do you check every day?
3. For each tier of person, what do you want to do: message, card,
   gift, call?
4. How early do you need to start for cards or gifts to arrive,
   including international post?
5. Do any dates follow a non-standard calendar, or fall on awkward
   days such as 29 February?

## Method

1. **Collect all dates in one place.** Gather from contacts, old
   calendars, family, and messages. Record month, day, and year of
   birth only if the person is comfortable and the user needs it, for
   example to mark a milestone.
2. **Pick the single source of truth.** One calendar the user checks
   daily, with a dedicated "Birthdays" calendar or label, and each date
   as a yearly repeating all-day event. Duplicates in other systems
   should be removed or turned off.
3. **Tier the people.** For example: tier 1, a gift and a call; tier
   2, a card or message; tier 3, a quick message. Assign each person a
   tier, labeled as the user's own choice.
4. **Set layered reminders per tier.**
   - *Early reminder*: weeks ahead for tier 1 gifts and international
     post, so the user can pick from [[gift-ideas-list]].
   - *Action reminder*: a week or so ahead for ordering or posting a
     card, by whichever lead time the user chose.
   - *Day-of reminder*: a morning alert on the date.
   Present these as starting defaults and adjust to real delivery times.
5. **Attach details to the event.** In the notes field, add the
   person's tier, a link or name for the gift list, address on file, and
   the last gift. Leave off sensitive data.
6. **Decide message templates.** Draft a few honest, short messages
   so sending takes seconds. Keep them genuine and personal; add one
   specific detail each time.
7. **Handle the edge cases.** For 29 February birthdays, choose a rule
   for non-leap years. For dates in other time zones, decide whether to
   send on the person's date or the user's. For an anniversary that
   is painful to someone, ask the user how to handle it.
8. **Audit once a year.** Add new people, remove ended relationships
   only if the user wants, and check that the reminders still fire.
9. **Test it.** Create a test event for tomorrow and confirm the alert
   reaches the user's phone.

## Output format

- **Master date table**: person, date, type, tier, action.
- **Reminder schedule** per tier: how many days before, what to do.
- **Calendar event template** with notes field layout.
- **Message starters** for each tier.
- **Yearly audit checklist.**

## Ground rules

- **Collect only what the user offers.** Do not look up or infer
  people's birth dates from outside sources.
- **Privacy**: dates and addresses are personal data. Keep the
  system private and share nothing beyond the user's device and
  accounts.
- **Do not ask for** passwords or account numbers of calendar
  accounts, or of the people's financial details.
- **Name tools as examples only**; the user's calendar decides the
  features.
- **No guilt.** If dates were missed, recommend a warm, simple
  catch-up message.

## Self-check before answering

- Is there exactly one source of truth for dates?
- Does each tier have an early reminder, not only a day-of alert?
- Are edge cases such as leap days and time zones covered?
- Is there a link to the gift ideas for tier 1?
- Was the reminder tested?

## Common pitfalls

- **Day-of alerts only**: too late to send a gift.
- **Dates in several places** that disagree.
- **Treating everyone equally**, which exhausts the user and leads to
  dropping the whole system.
- **Alerts silenced** because the calendar app is noisy.
- **No plan for the missed date**, so shame stops contact altogether.
- **Forgetting anniversaries** that matter more than birthdays.

## Example prompt

> I keep forgetting birthdays. Here are about thirty people and their
> dates. Set up a system in my calendar with tiers, reminders weeks
> ahead for my close family so I can send gifts overseas, and short
> message templates for the rest.

## Learn more

- [[gift-ideas-list]] for the ideas the early reminder should lead to.
- [[calendar-control]] for keeping the calendar reliable overall.
- [[event-planning]] when a birthday becomes a party.
- [[adulting-day]] for ordering and posting in a monthly batch.